Monday, April 13, 2009

Chapter 2: Antithesis


So before I get to the chapter, I'm running a bit late on inputting the pictures. I finally got them scanned and resized, but it was a busy weekend. So, I'll try to get two up before the Thursday post.

Chapter 2
Antithesis

Here I was, lying on the floor of an alleyway with a strange girl standing before me. She wore a purple one piece, a purple ribbon with a skull in her hair, black socks with white skulls, and purple shoes. She wore heavy eye liner and black lipstick. A goth - someone I didn’t need and who didn’t need me.

Her grey blue eyes covered in black flashed over me before she turned toward the kid.

“Hi!” she smiled in the bubbliest voice I had ever heard. “It’s alright. The monster’s gone.”

“What was that thing?” the kid asked.

“A real monster. But don’t worry, it’s gone.”

“Will it come back?”

“No. It won’t.”

“Are there others like it?”

“Yes. But I’ll stop them all,” she smiled.

From her voice, I could tell she really meant it. The kid believed her. I didn’t care. All that mattered was that I was alive. I walked away. I could hear her voice behind me.

“Now run home. Someone must be worried.”

And I heard the kid run off. As I continued out the alleyway, I felt a shadow stalking me. So I looked back and saw the girl following me.

“Why are you following me?”

“Because I want to ask you something.”

“Well, I don’t want to hear your question.”

I turned and continued on my way. She continued following me.

“What’s your name?” she asked.

I ignored her.

“Do you have an aspect then?”

I continued on.

“Why didn’t you try to help?”

I walked faster.

“Hey! Wait up!”

My phone rang. I looked at it. Blank screen. I hit the red button. It continued ringing. I had enough of this. I tossed my phone into a trash can and continued toward the station.

Behind me, I could hear her rummage through the trash to find my still ringing phone. She found it and ran to confront me.

“Aren’t you going to answer your phone?”

“Leave me alone,” I barked.

“Okay,” she smiled. “If you answer your phone. It's rude not to respond. Even with me, your fleeing away from me is a response.”

I looked toward the station ahead. It wasn’t far. I pushed her aside and ran. I could hear her following me. I arrived out of breath. I swiped my wallet against the card detector and moved through the rails. I ran to the east platform. The train was already there. I entered it and took a seat. The doors closed, and the train began to move.

I laid my head into my hands and sighed to myself. Then I heard it – the plain ring of my cellphone. Everyone else has a ringtone. I never cared enough to apply one.

“You really don’t want your phone?” she asked.

I looked up at her. “Leave me alone!”

“I told you: if you answer your phone.”

Which was more annoying? Not a difficult question. I grabbed the phone from her and answered it.

I could hear the sound of metal screeching across metal – the sound of subway wheels grinding on their rails. I could see the echoes bound off the tunnel walls and reflect an image of the tunnel, the train, and something – some thing crawling on the side of the train. There are at least fifteen trains traveling in the city at all times. Which train would it be on? I looked through the window, and a shadow swung by.

It was on my train.

I looked around my car. There were ten other people. One of them was the girl. Here I was, sitting on a train with the strange girl who saved my life previously. I had answered the phone. She said she’d leave me alone. And now, I needed her.

Images and Text © Jonathan Lee

6 comments:

Tommy SoCal said...

This chapter moves at a much faster pace which, im guessing, is supposed to mimic the motion of the main character. Where did her sword go? No one seems to care or notice that she is carrying one on the subway car, which makes sense if only people with aspects can see the sword or her aspect is summoning that sword. I like the idea of calling them aspects. Again, this chapter is not big on names, I would expect goth girl to introduce herself since she is bubly (not sure if I spelled that right).

BTW I am not sure if you want these comments to be critique based or just comments, let me know.

Jack Plum said...

Haha, I want the comments to be whatever you want.

The sword crawled back into her shadow at the end of the first chapter. So there is no more sword.

Spot on with the faster pace. It's not just him moving faster but also his mind is actually racing from the strange events. These are things he could do without, and he wants to leave them behind.

In the original version, she did introduce herself. But it didn't flow properly having her being named but Hank still referring to her as the girl. It could have been how he doesn't care for her name, but somehow, it didn't flow for me and ruined my pacing.

Tommy SoCal said...

the picture really helps me to visualize the sword. Is it modeled after an Epee?

Jack Plum said...

It's definitely a thin sword, but I wasn't aiming for any type in particular. An Epee definitely works though except for the dual guard. The dual guard was designed to mark her weapon as something physically impossible.

Unknown said...

I like that the girl doesn't have a name yet.

Jack Plum said...

Names are what we give others. Even if someone has a name, if we don't acknowledge it, we don't acknowledge them.